I've been feeling somewhat shitty, with the period going on and what not. Not to mention, my journey at work is getting kind of rocky. I have my ups and downs, both the positivity and negativity surrounding me at the randomest of times. I have a love-hate relationship with my own job.
I love the fact that my colleagues are such awesome people with such crazy minds yet with kind hearts. Honestly I didn't see myself enjoying this job when I first entered this company as an intern. But hell yeah, I would say that this job would be the highlight of my life. Dirty thoughts, constant little tea breaks and fun random games that we would make up on our own to pass the time at work. This place is my 2nd home (honestly I spend 5 days each week at this place -more than the amount of time I spend at home)
Of course, there's always a down side to everything. We can't have the best of both worlds.
I cannot see myself doing this job when I grow old. I obviously would need to pull myself away from this place and get myself a better job, WITH A BETTER PAY. I honestly do not think that it is sufficient enough for me to earn a living. With the economy deteriorating as the days go by, I foresee myself as a broke old lady having a hard time sustaining her family (that is, IF I get married) and it scares me to even think of it.
The standard of living in Singapore is getting higher and higher and education itself comes with a hefty price. All that money traveling down the drain just for a piece of paper that states that you are qualified enough to get yourself a proper job. That piece of paper will identify yourself as 'an intelligent person equipped with proper skills to prepare himself/herself for the working world'.
Prices for EVERYTHING are raising up high, thus the reason why I'm thinking twice about retaining myself in this job. I'm just thinking of the future, I need preparation okay!
***
I miss...so many people that I have allowed to have a certain contact with me. I only allow myself to be close with certain people, people that I can trust and lean on. Among all of this people, only ONE is unavailable to have any sort of contact with me (in other words, she has passed on) whereas the rest... *sigh*
We all have nothing to lose. We all, at the end of the day, only have ourselves to rely on. We trust only ourselves.
We were born alone, and we will die alone. What made us think that people will be there for us all of their lives? What made us think that the pillars we lean on will not shake, break and crumble to the ground? What made us think that this is forever?
Everything remains temporary. Even life itself.
I had a very bad habit of giving people chances.
Chance after chance after chance after chance and so on. And still, I trust them with all my heart.
Why? Because I felt that people can change and people can keep to their words. How wrong I was. I keep telling myself not to be so forgiving, not to relent and not to be so lenient. I get easily taken advantage of, and even I know it myself. Yet, here I am, mourning on why people leave me as soon as they get what they want.
Stop being so vulnerable and fragile, Liy.
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