One movie was all it takes for me to be able to feel a million emotions.
With the love of my life, his arm hooked around mine while stroking the skin of my palm, I sat sobbing as the protagonist of the movie we were watching described the death of her star-crossed lover. Her belief of leaving her lover as she succumbs to her cancer was crushed when she was informed of his numbered days which he kept mum about ever since the day they met.
I could relate to Hazel Grace Lancester. Her refusal of starting a relationship was backed up by a powerful monologue :
"I don't want to hurt you. I'm a grenade and at some point I am going to blow up and I would like to minimize the casualties."
It was hard to reason out why I refused to be where I am right now at the beginning, but this particular sentence Hazel said is enough to represent how I felt. I am aware of the differences we have (one of the roots of our arguments), our different dreams and goals, our different lifestyles. And I know that sooner or later everything is going to end as abruptly as the ending of An Imperial Affliction, the book Hazel loves to read. I wasn't trying to save myself from this ending, I was to save you. I want to save you from the heartache because you don't deserve it. At all. All I want to do is to NOT hurt you.
I feel as though our days are numbered. All I could do now is to cherish the moments we have, and live life to the fullest with you. You gave me a lot of my Firsts. However, what I yearn for is for you to be my Last.
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