#Rant

I don't even know why I agreed at the beginning. Part of me felt hopeful, clearly remembered thinking to myself :

"This is going to happen, finally." 

But another part of me knew that this was coming.

"Fat hope, bitch. Ain't gonna happen this time round as well. Ain't gonna happen ever."

This time round, I wasn't even surprised it happened. Have been bailed before, definitely gonna happen again. It's like a routine you do. Thus, the reason why I wasn't even angry to begin with when you delivered that text. Example of the array of texts we have sent to each other almost a gazillion times :

"Hey I can't make it."

"Oh. S'kay."

"I'll make it up to you."

"Yeah I bet you will. Probably in our next life."

It makes me question the stuff you say to me, wondering if they were actually legit or not. All I feel is that you say all those stuff for the sake of saying it, just to put yourself in a better position. Or maybe to put MYSELF in a better position. In fact, it works both ways, like, you tried to make me feel a lot better about myself in order to make me see you in a better light.

I HATE having to sever ties with the people I have come to be in a relationship with, be it friends, family, whatever. But only NOW am I considering to end this nonsense that is going on between us because I do not see a point continuing this bullshit. It is wasting my time and effort. It is making me feel hopeful for no goddamn reason and I am left hanging all the time.

That is what you do.

Leave me hanging.

Since Day 1. 

And I STILL had that tiny part within myself thinking that it is going to be okay at the end of it, and things are going to be different. Maybe you will see the light.

Hell no, you're not.  And I'm gonna let you chill in that dark tunnel for as long as you live because that's where you deserve to be.