Fallacia

I need to be free from the current emotions I have now. In fact, I sometimes wish I feel numb, to have the inability to feel nothing at all. Because I am tired of having to feel the negativity looming over me dampening me as it envelopes me.

It was long over, but why is it only affecting me greatly right now? I was the one who called it quits. Right now I am too afraid to let anybody else in and make me feel those deadly butterflies in my stomach again and afterwards make me feel like I am Someone Special in their lives only to have me plummeting on the ground even harder. I am too afraid.

I am not the one who is able to adapt to changes in a flash. I need time to fully absorb the situation and afterwards slowly get used to the changes. Yes I am that slow. I need time. To HEAL. I am still recovering. No, I don't miss you, but I am still hurt. How is it that you make it seem so easy to betray someone who was there for you all along? Even right after everything?