Conundrum

 I remembered a few months ago I was lazying around at home on a mundane weekday thinking that I have absolutely nothing exciting to talk about in my life (thus the reason why I haven't been posting lately) and thought to myself "I need to spice up my life a bit." 

The following months right after that was Hell.

Hectic is an appropriate adjective to describe the experience of Hell that I went through. All I could remember was that day by day, drama seemed to be climaxing. Work, family, personal life. There were instances I cried every night to sleep, thinking why is it that I have to be tormented this way. Well, I asked for it. There was no turning back. 

One heartbreak after another, I just felt that I have to get myself up and move on. I feel scared to rely on another person for happiness because I know that good things don't always last. You are the only person who can satisfy yourself. You know who you really are, you know what you want and need, you know exactly how you feel. Nobody else knows exactly what are running in our heads, nobody else knows the cause of the sudden rapid heartbeats within yourself.  

I just feel that I am withering slowly. Tolerating time and space and waiting for My Time to come. I asked myself "What is it that I am living for?" 

I haven't really got a perfect answer to that.